Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
