I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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