Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
