i think my mom watched the whole time
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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