Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
