To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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