how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
