Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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