I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
