The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
