If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
this beer tastes like vomit already
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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