Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
