My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
