he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
it glows. i had to have it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
