he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Your dad touched me again.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
