Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
