well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
