I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
