wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize