On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
