I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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