Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
