I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They have beer where we have blood.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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