I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
