Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize