Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
