She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
