I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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