His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
