My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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