Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
