im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
