Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
