i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
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You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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