I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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