I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
