so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
