Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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