1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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