he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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