The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
