So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
