I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
