Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Are my feet made of real feet?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
