i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
