how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so let's talk penis.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
