Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Randomize
