I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
