our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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