i jhust puked up my retainher.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
