____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
