morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
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the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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