the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
