I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
