My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
