So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
