There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
