I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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