You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
