I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
God, I missed his penis.
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