Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
