He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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