I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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