Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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