Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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