I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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