i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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