I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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