one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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